


Life is a Moment

by fencejumper89



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:25:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3655365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencejumper89/pseuds/fencejumper89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry struggles with his past, his new powers and his feelings for Iris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Iris and Barry were supposed to meet at Jitters for lunch. She had waited for an hour when Barry called to tell her he was not going to make it.

"Hey Allen", she sounded really angry on the phone "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm sorry, Iris. Something came up at work..." he lied. He could not explain that he had just run over 500 miles to save a woman from a fire. He did not yet have the courage to tell Iris who he was.

"Please don't think that I forgot. I'll make it up to you. What about we have dinner and movies tonight?" Barry asked.

"I'm going out with Eddie tonight."

"Oh… Ok. Well...will I see you at home before you go? "

"I'm getting a call. It's Eddie. Gotta go. Bye. "

Barry felt miserable for the rest of the day. He had failed to Iris a lot lately.

And he was never good at lying. Before he became the Flash everything had been easier and they had spent a lot of time together. And now she was going on a date with someone. It was not the first time and that made it even worse.

Joe came home by the end of the afternoon. He found Barry on the couch watching TV. "Hey Bear you're home early."

"Hi Joe, you too."

Joe took off his coat and kissed Barry's crown.

"You look sad, Bear. Something wrong? "

"I was going to meet Iris for lunch but something came up again. She was mad."

Joe knew how hard it was for Barry to hide this from Iris, but he agreed it was not yet time to tell her.

"Don't worry, son. It's going to be alright. What about a boy's night, huh? Pizza and the game, how does that sound?"

Joe knew how to cheer his kid up. When he was a child a pizza had always brought a smile on his face. Pizza and a hug from Joe.

"Sounds great" he said and forced a smile.

Iris came home in a hurry.

"Hi Dad!" she called and Joe answered from the kitchen.

"Hi baby!"

"I'll go take a shower!"

She hurried upstairs and almost ran into Barry on the corridor.

"Hello Iris" he said unsure of what to expect.

"Hi", she answered plain and cold.

"I'm sorry about lunch"

"Yeah nevermind" she said. But it was that kind of nevermind that tells you to mind a lot.

She entered her bedroom and started to dig for something to wear for dinner. Barry stood at the door watching.

"Please don't be angry Iris..." he said sheepishly.

"I'm not. I'm just disappointed in you. "

"Sorry".

His face was that of a sad puppy.

"You're clearly hiding something from me. Whatever it is I thought we were best friends. I don't keep secrets from you..."

He wanted to tell her, to say "that guy that goes around the city that runs like hell trying to save people, that's me. I could not let you know because I want to protect you, because I love you..." He would never find the courage to confess to her these two things.

All he managed to say was "I'm so sorry, Iris ".

She had already picked out a pink dress and headed to the bathroom.

"I don't care, Barry. Please leave me alone, I have to get ready".

He moved aside from the doorway. Iris entered the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

Barry felt his heart squeeze painfully. He walked into his own room and curled up on his bed.

Not long after he heard the door bell. Eddie. Iris's high heeled shoes sounded loud as she walked down the stairs.

Barry had sneaked out just to catch a glimpse at her from upstairs. Wow, she looked so beautiful in that light pink dress. Eddie approached her and kissed her lips. She looked happy. Barry felt his eyes get wet.

Joe emerged from the kitchen. He shook Eddie's hand and wished them a lovely evening. Barry turned his view away. He sat down, his back against the wall. He strapped his arms around his legs and burried his head in his knees.

He could not stand to see Iris with Eddie or with anyone else. But what right did he have to feel that way? He had never told her how he really felt about her, how could she know? And even if she knew, who was he to say that she would feel the same way about him? She was his best friend, but he was probably no good boyfriend material to her… she had had many dates at high-school, most of them had been athletes.

Barry felt a tear roll down his cheek.

He heard the front door open and close. They were gone.

He walked downstairs very quietly. Joe didn't hear him leaving. It was not yet dark. And Barry ran like he had always done as a child when he felt sad or anguished. Only now he was that much faster. He didn't know why he chose the cementery. Maybe he felt closer to his dead mom when he sat down next to her grave. How many times had he come here to seek comfort… he had lost track. He remembered the first time he had ran from the West's house shortly upon his arrival. He had felt so alien at the new house, he had missed his parents so much he just felt the need to run away. Joe had found him and he had been so worried, he had wanted to ground Barry at first but instead he had picked the crying boy up and carried him to the car. He had hugged Barry for the first time and told him he would always take care of him because he belonged to the family now.

Barry leaned against the gravestone and cried his heart out.

"Barry the game is about to start!" Joe called. No answer. He went upstairs and knocked on his bedroom door. "Bear?" Damn it, where did you run now?

Joe was not silly. He could see right though his kid. He had feelings for Iris. The thing with Eddie had to be tough for him. But running away again? It was several years since the last time he had done that. Barry was a young man now. But that didn't stop Joe from worrying about his son. He was a cop, he knew there were a lot of dangers out there.

Joe couldn't watch the game. He just kept looking at the clock. It was dark already and a storm was coming up. He called Barry, but there was no answer. He didn't want to interrupt Iris's date, but he was beginning to get really worried. He texted her.

"Hey babe, have you spoken with Barry by any chance?"

"Not after I left. Everything ok?"

Joe didn't know if he should say any more.

Iris watched her phone awaiting a reply. Nothing.

"Dad, has he run away again?"

Maybe this had something to do with the way she had spoken to him before. Barry was always very sensitive. Or was it because of Eddie? No way, why would that bother him? Barry couldn't be jealous about him. He didn't have those feelings for her...did he? She considered it for a moment.

She felt a knot in her chest, that she hadn´t felt for a long time. It was there everytime Barry ran away. She clearly remembered the first time. That was on his first day at the West´s house. Iris had felt so bad when she saw Barry come back home with Joe. He had looked so incredibly sad. Several other times had followed. Times when Barry had visited his father in prison, and the times he had been bullied at school. He had always done the same thing. One occasion Iris remembered particularly well, and her heart broke everytime she relived that day. It was Barry´s first birthday at the West´s house. He was turning 12. Joe and Iris had arranged a surprise party for him and invited all of his classmates. When Iris and Barry got home together, Joe was awaiting them on the porch. He had the entire house set up for a great party. Barry had looked so happy when he saw everything. But Iris noticed that none of his classmates had come. And as the hours passed and nobody showed up, Barry´s smile faded from his face. Later Joe had found him in his bedroom, crying. Joe had never forgiven himself for being so foolish to even think about throwing a party, knowing that Barry´s only friend was Iris.

"Iris? Are you even listening?", Eddie asked.

"Sorry. Yeah of curse..." she tried to concentrate on her boyfriend, shaking away the memories of that awful day.

Joe texted her back "Don´t worry babe".

She had to enjoy her night out. Joe took his car keys and drove over to Barry's former house. The place where his mom had been murdered, the place he had often ran to when he had been upset about something. This time he wasn't there. Rain started to pour down.

"Damn it, Barry. I'm going to kill you when I find you!"

Joe drove around the neighborhood. No signs of Barry. He was heading towards STAR Labs when it his mind. Of course, the cemetery!

"Bartholomew Allen you are going to kill me!"

He thought he would be mad at Barry when he found him, but when he saw him clinging to his mother's gravestone under the intense rain, Joe's heart just broke. He kneeled down next to Barry and saw his face all wet with tears and raindrops.

"Barry, come you are all wet. I don't want you getting sick."

Joe took Barry's hand and helped him get up. He took his coat off and pulled it over Barry's back. The boy was shivering.

Inside the car Joe pulled Barry into a hug. He was so, so cold.

"Bear you can't do this everytime something's wrong. I was sick with worry..."

"I'm sorry Joe", he muffled into his shoulder "Please don't tell Iris".

"I won't, son. But you gotta promise me not to do this again. Now let's go home and get you dry, ok? We can still grab that pizza on the way if you like"

Barry wiped his face and smiled. He nodded.

Soon they were both in their pajamas on the sofa enjoying pizza. It was Joe who broke the silence.

"You gotta tell Iris someday", Joe said.

Barry looked at him but before he could open his mouth Joe reassured what he suspected.

"I know Barry, I watched you grow up, in case you've forgotten... "

Barry's cheeks flushed. Joe could see right through him.

"It will be alright, son. I too have had my heart broken, you know? I know you´re hurting. This too shall pass".

"Ok..." Barry tried for a smile, his eyes trying their best to keep in the tears. Joe hugged his kid very tight and rubbed his back.

"No more crying now, Bear". He held Barry against his chest until he calmed down.

"Thanks for the pizza, Joe. "

"Anytime, son. I´ll get some ice cream, so we can get this pajama party started"

When Joe came back from the kitchen, Barry had fallen asleep on the couch. Joe put the ice cream bucket aside. He pulled a pair of socks on Barry´s feet and brought down a pillow and a blanket.

Joe watched his son sleep for a while. His heart felt heavy in his chest when he thought back to all the pain Barry had endured in his life. Such a sweet kid should never have gone through so much, he thought. And now he had his heart broken by Iris…by Iris, who had absolutely no idea about Barry´s feelings for her…all Joe could do was watch, and wait…

Iris's date was quiet a mess. She could barely focus on Eddie. Her thoughts kept escaping towards Barry. She felt uneasy, like she had done something wrong.

"Iris, what is it? ", Eddie asked.

"Nothing...evertything's fine... "

Iris did her best trying to eat. The food was great, but she could hardly bring a few bites down and she struggled to empty her glass of wine.

By midnight Eddie dropped Iris off at her house.

"See you tomorrow?", he asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Thanks for the lovely dinner. Sleep tight…"

They kissed.

"Hey babe, how was dinner?"

Joe had stayed up waiting for his daughter. He always stayed up when his kids were out late.

"Hey, Dad. It was nice…" she answered, taking off her coat. "You had me a little worried with that message, though"

Joe waved her over to the couch. Barry was fast asleep.

"Oh…what happened, Dad. Is he OK?" Iris asked. They whispered to not wake Barry up.

Joe nodded. He put the lights out and both went upstairs.

When Barry was a child, it had not been a big deal for Joe to carry him to his bedroom. But now, even though Barry was really thin, Joe would never manage to bring him all the way up.

Iris changed into her nightgown, she felt so tired. She climbed into her bed and tried to sleep. But her mind was too busy to let her. She kept going over the dinner with Eddie. He had been a real gentleman, he had picked a great restaurant and even had the table decorated with flowers. He was a good man, she thought.

And then her thoughts wandered downstairs to Barry. She stood up and knocked on her father´s door.

"Daddy, are you still up?"

"Come in, baby"

Joe always used to read before going to bed. He closed his book and set it aside.

"Everything OK, Iris?"

She sat down on the bedside.

"Can´t sleep…"

"Are you in for a pajama party?" Joe laughed.

"It´s an unwritten rule to get pizza for our pajama parties, remember?" Iris said. She laughed.

"I do. As a matter of fact, I already gulped down a big one before you came home…so I owe you one"

"That´s OK. Dad…what happened earlier with Barry?", she asked.

"Well he…" Joe was not sure about telling her. He would have to explain how the whole Eddie-thing affected Barry, and that was a door he did not want to open.

"He ran away again, didn´t he?", Iris inquired.

Joe was not good at lying.

"I knew it…", said Iris.

"You know how Barry is, babe. Sometimes he does that…"

"But always for a good reason. God, I feel so guilty. I think I was too harsh on him", said Iris.

"I was just mad because he seems to be so busy all the time. He has dumped me like three times this week. And he doesn´t even say what he´s up to."

Joe held his daughter´s hands and looked at her.

"Honey, it is not your fault. You know Barry. He has just been really busy working, you know he takes it very serious."

"I know. I just miss my best friend"


	3. Chapter 3

Iris kissed her dad goodnight and went back to her bedroom. Joe lifted himself and went downstairs to check on Barry. He rearranged the blanket around his body. Then he checked on Iris. She had already turned off her light. Joe watched her from the doorway.   
It brought a memory back to his mind. A few weeks after Barry had come to live with them, Joe had had a very serious talk with Iris, both sitting on that very same bed. He had come to say goodnight, she had looked upset.   
“Baby, I know it´s too late to ask you now, but…are you OK having Barry living with us?”, Joe had asked.  
“Mhm, yes daddy”, Iris sounded sincere.   
“I just wondered if it might be awkward for you. You know you can tell me…”, said Joe.  
When he had decided to take Barry in, it had all been so fast, he had of course not thought everything through. He had not asked his daughter what she thought about it.   
Iris sighed, she looked at her dad.  
“I think it´s nice to have Barry with us. It´s just that- sometimes…” . The girl looked for the right words to express her feelings.  
“Sometimes I feel really angry”, she said.  
“Angry?”, Joe asked.  
“Yes. It makes me angry that we can´t help Barry when he feels bad.”  
Joe nodded in agreement. “Yes, that makes me angry, too.”

 

Iris was up early the next morning. She had just started to work as a reporter and she needed a good story. She was desperate to show her boss that she could do the job.  
“Bye daddy. I´m staying in town for lunch. See you tonight, OK?”  
“Have a nice day, honey”, said Joe “Oh, and Iris-“, he winked at her “show them!!”.  
“Sure thing, boss!” Iris kissed Joe on the cheek and hurried down the stairs.   
Barry was still asleep, so Iris tiptoed to the door very quietly and shut the door behind her.  
Barry woke up to the sound of the door. He sat up, asking himself why he was on the couch and not in his bed. Then he remembered the previous day. The fight with Iris, Eddie…oh, no, he wished it had been just a bad dream. But the fact was that the thing with Eddie was real, as real as the headache he had woken up with.   
Joe came down, arranging his tie and sipping coffee.   
“Good morning, sleeper!!”, he greeted.  
“Hey Joe”, Barry rubbed his eyes.   
“I have an important case this morning. Will you be at STAR Labs? I might call you, we´ll probably need your help.”  
“Yeah, I´ll be at STAR Labs.”  
“Great. I´ll see you later then, Bear. Gotta get going now.”  
Joe patted Barry on the back and rushed out.  
Barry felt miserable thinking he would have to work with Eddie on Joe´s case. Maybe Iris would come over and they would hold hands, kiss…Barry tried to shake away the image. Eddie was not a bad guy in his opinion, but that didn´t stop Barry from disliking him.

 

At the lab Caitlin and Cisco greeted Barry in full excitement.   
“Training day!!!”, said Caitlin.  
Barry looked clueless.  
“Remember?? We want to test just how much you can increase your speed”, she started “and look, Cisco and I have been working on a new formula for your protein bars to help boost your metabolism. You will have to eat a few of them before you run, OK?”  
Caitlin didn´t allow Barry to interrupt her “So we will have you run first without taking the protein bars and then after you´ve eaten them. And so we can compare –“  
“Caitlin…”, Barry said, sitting down and rubbing his temples “do we have to do all that today?”  
“I´m afraid we do, why? Not in a mood?”, Caitlin asked, sitting down on her desk.  
“Not really”, Barry replied.   
His headache became worse with every move.   
“Does this have anything to do with Iris and Eddie?”, Caitlin asked, almost knowing the answer.  
“What? No!”  
“Barry I know that look. But listen, you have no right to be upset as long as you don´t tell Iris. How´s she supposed to guess if you always keep it in?”  
“I just don´t wanna talk about that right now. Let´s just get to that training…”, Barry sighed.  
“Great. We will start on the treadmill. Just start slow, then slowly increase your speed. “  
Barry started jogging. Caitlin and Cisco watched the screen on their computer.  
“OK start speeding up”, said Cisco.  
Barry ran a bit faster. His legs felt weak, though.   
“Come on, dude, this is nothing yet!!”  
Barry forced his pace. He couldn´t push anymore. He felt cold sweat running down his back, he felt dizzy. He stopped.  
“What´s wrong? Barry?”, Caitlin rushed to his side.  
Barry stepped down from the treadmill and sat on a chair, leaning his head back against the wall.   
“I can´t”, he said, closing his eyes. Suddenly he felt really cold.  
“You look pale, Barry”, said Caitlin. She put a hand on his forehead “You feel warm”.  
“I´m fine, Cait. I´m just tired, I had a bad night.”  
“Alright then, I guess we´ll have to do it tomorrow”, said Cisco, before Caitlin insisted any more. “You guys wanna have some breakfast?”. Cisco had brought donuts and coffee.   
“Got a whole box just for you, dude”, he said to Barry “and two for each one of us normal folks”, he said to Caitlin.   
Barry picked out a chocolate donut. He took a few bites and put it back in the box. He was not hungry.  
“Sure you´re OK man? You never say no to donuts…”, Cisco asked.  
“I´m fine”, Barry reassured them.  
Barry managed to make it through till midday and then left to meet Joe at the police station to work on that case of his.  
It was a tough case, they had already reviewed it dozens of times and the crime scene still made no sense. There were loose ends everywhere.   
“OK, who´s in for a break?”, Joe asked after two hours of unsuccessful investigation, “I need some coffee.”  
Barry´s head was bursting, he was relieved to sit down, he rejected the coffee, though.  
Eddie showed up at that moment. Barry felt his stomach twist. Now he had to have this jerk around. He had never had anything against Eddie until now that the whole Iris-thing had come up. They greeted and Eddie joined them at the table for coffee. They sat in silence. Joe watched Barry from the corner of his eye, knowing how hard it had to be for him to be around Eddie and act normal, especially when he was talking about Iris.  
“Still no more clues on this?”, Eddie asked Joe.  
“Nothing”, he answered “it´s depriving me of my sleep…”   
Joe took a second cup of coffee. Barry just sat on his chair, he burried his hands under his thighs trying to warm up. He felt so cold.  
“You´re looking pale, Barry. Everything OK?”, Eddie asked.  
“Yes. Fine.”  
“You´re shivering, man.”  
“I said I´m fine” Barry said in a louder tone. He was barely coping with Eddie´s presence and the thought of him and Iris together.  
Joe walked over. He felt Barry´s forehead and the top of his chest. He was warm.  
“Barry, you´re burning with fever. ”  
Joe looked worried. “Eddie you can finish the paperwork you have and take the rest of the day free. I have to get Barry home.”  
“Sure. No problem.”  
“But I feel alright, Joe”, Barry started. He didn´t want to show any little bit of weakness in front of Eddie.   
“I said we go home, Barry”, said Joe, giving him a look that Barry knew the discussion was over.  
Eddie´s phone rang. “Hi, baby”. It was Iris. “How are you? Want to meet for lunch?”  
Joe put his coat on Barry and pushed him to the door. Barry was trying to catch Eddie´s conversation.   
“Come on, Bear. Let´s get going.” Joe put his arm around Barry´s shoulder and lead him out. The thought of Iris meeting Barry for lunch made Barry feel even more miserable. And Joe knew.


	4. Chapter 4

“You get straight to bed now, Barry”, ordered Joe as soon as they got home.  
Barry did not have the strength to argue anymore. He crawled into bed and pulled the blanket up to his neck. Joe took Barry´s temperature.  
“101,5. This is what happens when you run away in middle of a storm”, Joe sighed “You´ll stay in bed for today. I´m calling Caitlin.”   
Barry was silent, he hated being sick. He didn´t want Caitlin or Iris or anyone but Joe seeing him like this.   
“Hi Caitlin, it´s Joe West.”  
“Oh, hi detective, how can I help you?”  
“Well, Barry is feeling kind of sick.  
“Yes, I noticed earlier this morning”  
“He was out during the storm yesterday and got wet. It´s probably got something to do with that. Anyway, he has some fever now”  
“OK. You know, Barry´s body can heal injury in a minute, but it´s different with sickness. I´ll text you a prescription in a moment. Anyway, you call me if you need me to come over.”  
“Ok. Thanks Caitlin. Bye.”  
He pulled a second blanket over Barry´s body. “You get some sleep now, Bear. I´ll be working downstairs if you need anything.”  
Barry sat up “I want to help…”, he started. Joe put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back down.   
“Barry…it´s OK. Even superheroes get sick sometimes.”   
He might be the Flash, but to Joe he was still his Barry Allen.   
Barry´s eyes felt heavy, he fell into restless sleep quickly, giving in to the fever.

Joe prepared some coffee and tried to continue with his case. He had brought some paperwork home. But his mind was otherwise busy and he just couldn´t focus on his work. Joe felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was stuck in a difficult situation. He couldn´t stop worrying about the thing between Iris and Barry-and Eddie, of course. It was such a mess. His kids were hurting each other, without even being aware of it. And Eddie would notice something weird any moment now…   
Joe sat down on his usual spot on the couch, he rested his head on his hands. An episode of his daughter´s childhood came into his mind. Iris had been best friends with Jessica and Melissa since kindergarden. The three of them were so close. They did everything together. Jessica was the first one of them to turn 13. Her party was going to be a huge thing and Iris talked about nothing else all week. The thing about this party, was that the girls would also invite over some of the boys for the first time. They were in a silly age, Joe thought. The cop felt useless around his nearly teenaged daughter most of the time. There was such a bunch of girls´ stuff he had no idea how to handle. The questions, the silly little crushes, the constant shrill screams when the three girls were together talking about boys... Now Joe could laugh about the memory, but back then it had been a nightmare. On the party-day Joe had come home in the afternoon and was very surprised to find Iris in her room.  
“Hey honey. What are you doing here? I thought Jessica´s party was today.”  
Iris looked up at Joe, she had been crying. Joe sat down next to her and hugged her.   
“What´s wrong, baby?”  
“I didn´t want to go…”, said Iris. She wiped the tears from her face, she was angry.   
“Why not? You girls were expecting this day for so long”  
“Jessica didn´t invite Barry”, said Iris. Her tone changed from angry to sad.  
Joe sighed, he didn´t speak for a while.   
“I don´t understand, daddy…”  
“Well, you know…Barry is a bit different…he´s…”, Joe felt stupid even trying to make sense why Barry should be left out just because he was not like most kids. Iris completed the sentence for him.  
“He´s my friend, too” , she said.   
And that was all. Joe had never felt so proud of his daughter. 

 

Iris came home from work later that day. “Hi daddy” she called as she took off her boots. Joe was on the couch, as usual, watching a ball game.   
“Hello baby!!”, he turned around to greet her. Oh, crap!!! Eddie was with her.   
“Hi Joe”, greeted Eddie.   
“Can Eddie stay for dinner, dad?”, Iris asked.  
“Eeeehm…sure he can”, said Joe. Good Lord, this was going to be a mess. “I´m in deep shit…”, thought Joe, rubbing his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading!!!  
> This will be a slow burn...  
> Please review!! Update comes tomorrow if you want me to continue....


	5. Chapter 5

Joe lifted himself, he took Eddie´s coat and invited him to sit.   
“I was going to cook spaghetti”, Joe said “But if that´s too lame we can order something…”  
“Daddy, your spaghetti is fine. I´ll help you with the sauce. Yours was a disaster last time.”  
“Well…. you can´t have everything. Being this handsome and also a good cheff…probably too much to ask”, Joe smiled at his daughter. She kissed him on the cheek.  
“Eddie told me Barry was feeling sick”  
“Yeah, he´s upstairs”  
“Is he going to be alright?”  
“Yep. Probably just a cold”  
Iris prepared some coffee. She brought two mugs for Joe and Eddie and some tea for Barry.  
“I´m bringing this to Barry. I´ll be down in a minute”, said Iris.  
She knocked on Barry´s bedroom door before entering.   
“Joe?”, Barry was awake. He sat up in his bed when he saw it was Iris.  
“Hi, Barry. It´s me”, she said softly “how are you feeling?”  
“I´m OK”, he said. He tried to study her face, to see if she was still angry. He hadn´t seen her since yesterday.  
Iris sat down on the bedside and put the cup of tea on the table.   
“I´ve made you some tea with lemon and honey” , she said.  
“Thank you”, Barry answered.  
“It helps to clear your throat”, Iris explained. After a pause she continued.  
“I´m really sorry about yesterday, Bear. I didn´t mean to hurt you”  
“It´s OK. I was the one who let you down”, he said.  
Iris smiled at him.  
“So we´re good again?”, she asked.  
“Yes. Of course”, Barry smiled, too.  
“My dad´s cooking spaghetti and Eddie is here, too. You feel good enough to come down for dinner?”  
Barry´s smile broke when he heard the name. He really didn´t want to deal with Eddie right now, but on the other hand he wanted to be good with Iris, and of course he couldn´t just stay in his bed while stupid Eddie had a fun time with Iris. Barry knew it was painful to watch them, but it was even worse not to watch and have to instead imagine them together.  
He thought about it for a moment.  
“Yeah, I´ll come down in a moment”, he said.

Iris helped Joe in the kitchen, and Eddie set the table. They were sitting down when Barry came slowly down the stairs. Joe looked up and felt his stomach twist. He had wanted to bring Barry a plate to his room, so that he could avoid the awkwardness of the dinner.   
“Hey Bear, feeling better?”, he asked him.  
“Yeah”, he said and greeted Eddie with a very forced smile.  
They sat down and Iris served the spaghettis. Barry was immediately irritated to see Eddie holding Iris´s hand and kissing her lips. He should have stayed in his room, he thought. It hurt too much to see that scene. His face broke. It went unnoticed by Iris and Eddie, but not by Joe. He saw that his child´s eyes were not only glassy from the fever but also wet holding back the tears.   
“It looks delicious, dad”  
“Thank you honey. I hope it´s more than just the looks…”  
They ate in silence for the first few minutes. Joe kept exchanging looks between Barry and Eddie and eventually Iris. Barry couldn´t bring himself to eat. Mostly he pushed his food around on the plate, looking from Eddie over to Iris and then from Iris to Eddie. Joe just wished to get of the whole thing as soon as possible.   
Luckily Eddie broke the silence before it could get weird enough. He addressed Joe about the case from earlier in the morning and then they got to talk about a different case. This one involved Dr. Harrison Wells.   
“I think that man is hiding something”, Eddie started “There´s just too many things pointing to him and way too many loose ends”.  
“Yeah, my boss is also suspecting that. He keeps pushing me to get a story or at least a hint of a story about Wells. But I must admit it´s being hard to find enough evidence to prove something´s wrong with him…”, Iris added.  
“What do you say, Joe?”, Eddie asked.  
“Don´t know really. I don´t like Dr. Wells a lot, but I agree with Iris. We need more proof. I try to be as objective as I can, but my instinct tells me there´s a very weird thing about this guy.”  
Barry just looked at the three of them exchanging opinions. Nobody was asking him, and yet they knew he was the one closest to Dr. Wells. He felt like a little child being left out of an adult conversation.   
“We will find out eventually”, said Eddie “At some point he Dr. Wells will make a mistake and leave a clue behind”.  
“You don´t even know him”, Barry interrupted.  
He was very fond of Dr. Wells and he couldn´t take it that they were all so condemning. He could barely tolerate it from Joe, but he would certainly not stand hearing this crap from Eddie´s mouth.  
“Harrison Wells is a good man, you won´t find any story there”, Barry said, obviously upset.  
“I think he tricks you to think exactly that way”, said Eddie, half laughing.  
Barry was pissed.   
“He´s my friend”, he stressed “and I think I´m in a better position to judge him than you are!”  
“Barry, you´re being rude”, Iris said, giving him an angry look.   
“No, I´m not”, he said.  
“Barry, that´s enough”, Joe said, his voice calm but firm.   
Barry was upset, he looked down to his plate. He felt like a 5 year old being silenced like that. Joe noticed the look on Barry´s face. He had to avoid any more trouble at the table. He loved Barry and he knew exactly that this crappy behavior didn´t have anything to do with Dr. Wells, but with Eddie. But Joe also loved Iris and she had the right to have a nice time with her boyfriend.  
“If you´re done eating get back to bed. I´ll come to check on you in a minute.”, he said to Barry with a look that made it clear he didn´t want to hear one more word.  
Barry got up, he cleared his plate. He murmured a “Good night”, looking at no one in particular and hurried up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Please review!! I love to hear what you think!!  
> Update comes tomorrow...but only if I get enough reviews!! ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Barry shut the bedroom door behind him.

For a moment he felt the need to run. Run as far away as possible from here. He sat down on his bed, he felt so furious. He was mad at Joe for taking Eddie´s side. He wanted to yell at someone, to punch something… he did none of those things however. Instead he found himself silently crying into his pillow. Anger was replaced by sadness. How could he ever think that Iris loved him back? She never would now… he was too late. Someone had already stolen her heart.

After a while Joe came upstairs to Barry. He sat down on the bed, folded his arms over his chest and gave him a blank look. He noticed Barry had been crying.

"Care to share?", Joe asked.

Barry shook his head. He was expecting Joe to be mad at him. But Joe never could, no matter how hard he tried. He had such weakness for Barry. He just sighed deeply and shook his head.

"Is Iris mad at me?", Barry asked.

"Hmmmm…you know Iris…she´ll get over it….eventually"

Joe was thoughtful for a moment.

"Barry…you gotta either tell her-or forget her…you are hurting yourself, and you will end up hurting Iris as well…not to mention you got me going nuts here, trying to keep everything I know to myself".

"I´m scared", said Barry looking down, ashamed "I´m afraid that if she doesn´t feel the same way, I´ll lose her…"

Joe lifted his hand and wiped away the tears from Barry´s cheeks. He looked him into the eyes.

"Barry, son…", he said very serious "If you don´t, you´ll never know…you have to be really brave here. Think you can do that for me?"

Barry nodded. Joe pulled him into a hug. He always ended up doing that. Somehow Joe was just like a big teddy bear.

"You know…no dad in the entire world would ever encourage any guy to go for his daughter…no matter how nice the guy…so you better solve this thing with Iris before I change my mind." Joe laughed. Barry smiled…a little.

"That´s blackmail", he said.

"Yes it is".

Joe kissed Barry´s forehead.

"You´re still feeling warm, Bear. You need to rest. That fever should be coming down by now."

He gave Barry his medicines and wished him a good night.

Iris wasn´t exactly angry, she wasn´t happy either. Maybe she was rather confused by Barry´s outburst and also a bit upset, since he had made Eddie really uncomfortable and she had felt trapped in the middle of both of them. After Eddie had left she stayed downstairs watching TV until midnight. She did that when she was distressed. She went over the events of dinner again. Why was Barry behaving like a complete idiot? He was probably a bit grumpy because of being sick, though there was something else to it. Joe had already turned off his lights when Iris finally decided to leave it be and go to bed.

She saw the light from Barry´s room. At first she had decided that it was not worth while to even try to speak to Barry when he was in such a childish attitude. But on a second thought, she would definitely have no peace if she didn´t set things straight with him right away.

She entered his bedroom and found Barry curled up, eyes closed.

"Barry?"

Iris approached the bed. She noticed he was sweating and she softly shook his shoulder.

"Barry?"

He didn´t wake. He moaned and murmured a few lose words that she couldn´t understand.

"Barry, what is it?", she shook him a little harder. He was burning up.

"Daddy!", she called. Joe rushed in.

"What is it?"

"Don't know, he doesn't wake!" Iris was scared.

Joe pulled the blankets down. Barry was bathed in sweat. He tried to open his eyes, but they were so heavy.

"Iris", was all he managed to say "Iris..."

He was hallucinating.

"I'm here Barry" Iris said softly, holding Barry's hand.

"We need to get him over to Caitlin" said Joe "Iris, get me one of his sweaters".

They struggeled to get Barry into his clothes. He was only half conscious and could hardly cooperate.

Joe somehow managed to carry him on his own, holding him with one arm around his back and the other under his knees. Iris walked next to Joe, holding Barry's hand.

She remembered the time Barry had been in a coma. Ever since, she used to panic when something happened to Barry. It was the same for Joe. He drove as fast as he could with Iris sitting in the back, holding Barry against her chest.

They came to STAR Labs, where Caitlin was already awaiting them. Together they brought Barry inside and Joe laid him down on the examination table.

"Alright tell me what happened", said Caitlin. She pulled Barry's sweaters off and rolled up his shirt.

"He had some fever when he went to bed but he wasn't complaining" Joe explained.

Caitlin held a thermometer under Barry's armpit. The fever had gone over 103.

Caitlin looked worried.

"Has he been eating?", she asked.

"Not really", said Joe.

"Ok. I'll have to put him on an IV, he's badly dehydrated."

Barry was trying to stay awake, fighting to keep his eyes open but his mind was so tried, he failed to follow up with everything that was going on around him.

He winced when Caitlin put the needle into his arm.

"Shhh, it's Ok", Caitlin tried to calm him "It's over, sweetheart."

She put a cold washcloth on Barry's forehead.

"We will have to wait for the medication to work" said Caitlin "it looks like a severe pneumonia".

Joe ran a hand over his face, he sighed deeply. Then he brought a chair for himself and one for Iris and they sat down next to Barry. Joe noticed the strangled expression on his daughter´s face. He put an arm around her shoulder.

"It´s going to be alright, honey", he said to her "Barry is going to be fine."

Caitlin replaced the bag for the IV.

Barry opened his eyes a little. He stretched out his arm.

"Iris", he said.

Iris took his hand and kissed it.

"I´m here, Bear…I´m here, it´s OK"

It took all of his strength to speak. He turned his head, but he could only distinguish a blurred image of her.

"I- I love you, Iris…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading! Want to see where this goes?
> 
> Then Pleeeeaaaase review as much as you can!


	7. Chapter 7

Joe froze. His heart stopped beating for a moment. Caitlin almost dropped the tools she was holding. Iris looked at Barry as if he were a riddle.  
“What, Bear?”  
His eyes were closed again. Iris softly squeezed his hand.  
“Barry?”  
Caitlin jumped in.  
“Aaaaah, it´s probably just the fever talking out of him…he doesn´t know what he´s saying…” She looked to Joe for help.  
“I´ve given him a sedative. He´ll sleep for a few hours hours”, Caitlin explained “It would be best if we kept Barry here for the rest of the night so I can have him on the IV until the morning.”  
Iris looked at Joe. Joe looked at Caitlin.  
“You can bring Barry home in the morning. I promise I´ll take good care of him”, Caitlin said.  
Iris nodded. Caitlin handed her a blanket and Iris covered Barry. She kissed his forehead.   
“Bye Barry, feel better”, she whispered to him.

It was about 3am when the West´s came home. They wished each other good night and were both relieved that the next day was a Saturday and they could sleep as long as they wanted.  
Iris stayed awake in her bed for about an hour. She thought about Barry and what he had said. What was that all about? Was it really just a consequence oh his high temperature?   
Sometimes she played with the thought that Barry might like her, but then she always convinced herself that such thoughts were unfounded. And then eventually she digged only a little bit into her own feelings for Barry. She obviously cared a lot about him. She had seen him suffer so much throughout his life that she had always felt the need to protect him. And it would be fair to say that her heart had broken for him many times, but not in a romantic way. It had just been so awful to see him get hurt that Iris felt his pain in her own flesh. First it had been the death of his mother that tore him apart, then his father being locked up in Iron Heights. Later it was his lack of friends and the bullies at school. Then it was the way he came from work with Joe after studying crime scenes that always reminded him of his mother´s death.

Joe woke up early the next morning. He wanted to go pick up Barry on his own. He needed make him aware of what he had said to Iris.  
“Daddy, you´re up early”, Iris greeted him “Can we go get Barry?”  
This was exactly what Joe was trying to avoid.  
“Eeeehm why don´t you stay here and have some breakfast ready. Barry is going to be hungry.”  
“Oh, yes you´re right. I´ll make some waffles.”

At STAR Labs Joe found Barry sitting up and looking much better.   
“Good morning Dr. Snow”  
“Oh, hi detective West”  
“Please call me Joe…and how´s this young man doing?”   
Joe gently hugged Barry. His cheeks were still a bit flushed.  
“Hi Joe”, he said weakly.  
“The fever is almost down. You can take him home”, said Caitlin. She removed the needle from Barry´s arm.  
Joe helped Barry down the stairs. His knees still felt so weak. The cold wind outside made him dizzy and he was relieved to get inside the car.  
Then Joe broke him news of the events of the previous night. Barry had only vague memories. He remembered Iris being at his side, but he wasn´t sure about his confession.   
“She held your hand all the time, you know?”, Joe told him “and she didn´t want to leave you here.”  
Barry smiled, he flushed a little more. 

Iris made waffles with syrup, Barry´s favorite. She was setting the table when she heard the door open. She rushed out of the kitchen and ran straight into Barry´s arms. His still weak knees had to put up with all of their strength to catch her. They hugged very tight.  
“I was so worried Barry, are you feeling better?”  
“I am now…”  
Barry wished he never had to let go of that embrace. It felt so good.  
“Come, I´ve made you breakfast, are you hungry?”  
They sat down on the couch in the living room and Iris brought a blanket for Barry. Caitlin had said that he should rest and sleep a lot. And Iris would make sure he was comfortable and well taken care of. Joe shared breakfast with them and then went upstairs.  
“I need to catch up with some sleep, kids”, he said “You better go easy on those waffles, Bear”. He had already eaten five.  
Iris and Barry were left alone. For a while they just chatted a bit about everything. Barry looked sleepy.  
“Should I let you get some more sleep, Barry?”, Iris asked, concerned.  
“No, please stay”, he said. Her company made him feel so much better, although his eyes were fighting to stay open. He moved a bit closer to Iris. He hesitated for a moment and then he reached out for her hand. Iris could feel his warm skin holding her gently. Barry swallowed, he opened his mouth, but words refused to come out. He lowered his view before he took the courage to lift his head and looked her straight into the eyes.  
“Iris, I- I meant what I said last night.”  
She was mute for an instant.  
“I love you, Iris.”  
He couldn´t believe he had actually said that. Neither could she.  
“You mean-…”, she was un sure of how to interpret it.  
“When we were kids I loved you, even before I knew what the word love meant…and then my mom died and I had to go live with the girl I had a crush on…”  
He looked at her, hoping she would respond. But Iris was wordless. She had not expected that. For some reason her eyes filled with tears and she softly shook her head. She withdrew her hand from his hold.   
“You never let me know”, she finally said after a while of painful silence.   
“I have wanted to tell you for fourteen years…but I was always afraid…I still am”, Barry confessed looking down to his hands.  
“I…I am with Eddie, Barry”  
“I know, I know my timing couldn´t be worse, but I- I couldn´t lie to you anymore…”  
Iris shook her head again.  
“I am sorry, Barry”, it was all that she could say.   
Iris lifted herself.  
“I need some fresh air…I gotta go. I´m sorry…”.  
She grabbed her coat and shoes and hurried out, leaving Barry´s heart shattered to pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and reviewing!!   
> Please let me know what you think!!! It makes my day!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Joe had heard everything from upstairs. He wished he hadn´t. He was relieved that it was finally over, but this was not the outcome he had wished for, although he had expected it. He came down to Barry.  
He looked so tired, so heartbroken. Joe sat down next to him and did what he always did, he gave Barry a hug.  
“How could I ever think that she would feel the same way for me, Joe?”, Barry asked, tears in his eyes.  
“I´m just the weird, nerdy kid next door that came to live in her house…”  
“No, Bear. Don´t say that…”, Joe had to put his thoughts together for a moment, before he could speak again.  
“I watched Iris love you ever since you came to live with us. Remember when you went to visit your dad in Iron Heights and came back with a broken heart every time? Well, she heard you crying in your room those nights, she never wanted to disturb you, she knew you would feel ashamed if she saw you cry, so she stayed outside your door, hands folded, praying that all your pain would somehow go away. I watched her… she stayed as long as it took and she only left when she couldn´t hear you cry anymore…”  
Barry looked at Joe, his watery eyes smiled a little. This was a side of iris he had never fully known.  
“And when you were in a coma she would go to see you every day. She always found the time, it was her priority. And she spoke to you as if you were awake, she told you everything that was going on, hoping that it would encourage you to keep fighting and eventually wake up. On your birthday she stayed with you for nearly ten hours, holding your hand. She cried a lot that day…she was so scared to loose you…that is love, Barry…”  
Joe lifted Barry´s chin and looked at him very seriously.   
“I know she is with someone else now, but she loves you deeply. Maybe it´s not the kind of love you were expecting right now, but don´t go around thinking that Iris doesn´t care about you…OK?”  
Barry nodded.   
“I just- I never loved anyone else but her… I had to at try at least…”. He broke, he covered his face with both hands and cried.  
“My sweet kid…you were very brave to tell her.”  
Joe rubbed Barry´s back. It seemed to calm him.  
“Did I ever tell you that I am absolutely proud of you?”, Joe asked.  
“I saw you overcome so much pain and tears during all these years and you never lost the ability to smile…you stayed true to yourself, being who you are and I love you for that. All the people around you love you for that. And I can assure you, it has nothing to do with being the Flash or not. My Barry Allen has always made me proud…and I can´t explain to you, just how much I adore him!”  
And Joe hugged Barry so, so tight, he was scared to break his ribs.   
“I love you, too, Joe…”

 

Iris walked along the coast line for about an hour. She was shocked, it felt as if the ground was lifted from underneath her feet and her whole world was turned upside down within a moment. She didn´t know how she felt about Barry. How had he kept it in for so many years? And how could she have been so blind not to see any signs? Or had she maybe unconsciously chosen to ignore them? She was scared to dig into her own heart, she was afraid of what she would find there. What was Barry to her? Family? Friend? Did she love Eddie?   
It was just too many questions. Suddenly nothing was certain anymore. Many things about Barry started to make sense now. That was why he hadn´t had a girlfriend, at least not for more than a week. That was the reason why he was her “shadow”… Even his behavior around Eddie was understandable now… God, that´s why he had run away in the rain the other day, because of her date that day… She couldn´t make up her mind right now…but she needed to be alone for a moment, before she could speak to anyone. She sat down on a bench when her feet started to ache from the long walk. It had been several hours by now. She got a text from Joe.  
“Baby I know what happened. Please come home.”  
“Need some time to clear my mind, dad. I´m fine, don´t worry.”  
Iris came home many hours later. She found Joe on his usual spot on the couch.  
He invited her to sit next to him. She looked so tired.  
Joe put an arm around his daughter, he waited patiently for her to start the talking.   
“Where´s Barry, dad?”, she asked. She was afraid that he might have run away. It would be expected, given the circumstances.  
“He´s resting…Caitlin said he should stay in bed.”  
“Did he tell you?”  
“I already knew, honey…”  
“What? Since when?”  
“Fourteen years.”  
Iris looked at him with disbelieving eyes.  
“So I´m the only one here that had absolutely no clue?? How stupid am I??”  
Joe sighed.  
“I wanted to tell you, you know? But it was not something for me to tell…it had to be Barry who did. And it took him this long to pack up the courage to do so.”  
Iris was silent for a while.   
“I am with Eddie, dad”, she finally said “and he´s just asked me to move in with him…I said yes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review as much as you can!!
> 
> Love you all!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Hey everybody, sorry it took so long to update. A lot of crap came up but let´s continue now!! Thanks everyone for reading!! 

 

Joe was wordless. This was more tan Barry getting hurt, it was his daughter leaving the house.  
“Are you sure, babe?”, he asked softly.   
Iris nodded.  
“Look, dad…this has nothing to do with Barry. Eddie and I had been considering moving in together for a while now.”  
Joe took her hands, he looked at his daughter…she had grown up so fast…  
“I´m going to miss you”, said Joe and he couldn´t help his eyes getting wet.  
“Me too, daddy...but I´ll come over often and you can come over, too, whenever you want. We´ll always be close…”  
Iris hugged Joe, he needed it.  
“I´m happy for you, sweetheart. I just can´t get over how quick time goes by…it seems like yesterday when you started school….”  
Iris smiled, but she too was holding back some tears.  
“You always were a great dad, you know? I´m gonna miss everything. Especially your spaghetti…”, Iris had to laugh.  
“Hey, no need to be mean!!”, Joe laughed as well. He knew his spaghettis were terrible.  
Then Joe´s face looked serious again.  
“You gotta find a way to break this to Barry, trying to do as little damage as you can.”  
It was exactly that what made Iris´s heart ache so bad. She couldn´t deal with this. The fact was that she was again the one who made Barry cry.  
“I´ll try, dad”.  
After a while Iris headed to her bedroom. She felt awkward knowing Barry was right next door, only a few feet away and feeling suddenly that he was completely alien to her. How could she still act normal around him after what had been said? What was the definition for normal anyway?  
Iris didn´t have much chance to think about it. Someone knocked on her door just that moment.  
“Iris? It´s me…”, she heard Barry´s voice, very soft, almost shy.  
She hesitated for a moment.  
“Come in”, she said.  
He walked in looking incredibly adorable in his blue pajamas, Iris had to admit to herself. And he looked so helpless, so insecure around her all the sudden…   
“Barry, you should be in bed. Are you OK?”, she asked softly. She approached him and felt his cheek with the back of her hand. He shivered when her cold skin collided against his warm face. But her touch still felt so good…it brought tears to his eyes to think that his Iris was no longer his and that she had never been.  
“A little weak, but otherwise OK”, said Barry.  
“Iris, I´m sorry…I´m sorry that I´ve made things weird between us.”  
“There´s nothing to be sorry for, Bear. You did nothing wrong.”  
They sat down on her bed. Iris couldn´t stand the pain in her chest, she just had to say it.  
“Barry, I…I am moving out…”  
She avoided looking him in the eyes, she could only stare at her feet through the water in her eyes.  
“Eddie and I are going to live together”, she said and wiped the tears from her eyes before they could slide down her cheeks.  
“No, Iris, please… there´s no need for you to go. This is your house. If anyone needs to go, it´s me.”  
He felt like he had done the worst mistake of his life by telling her what he felt. Now he had made her uncomfortable in her own place and after all he was the intruder in the West house, he should be the one leaving.   
Iris grabbed Barry´s hand.  
“No Barry. This has nothing to do with what you told me earlier today. This is something that Eddie and I have been thinking about way before all this came up. I don´t want you to leave…” her eyes pleaded.  
“My dad needs you around and I… I need to know that you are safe. I don´t want you to be alone…”, she was crying very quietly.   
Barry just sat there, wishing to hug her, but holding himself back, because a hug now would not be just a hug, it would be awkward to her and he didn´t want to cause any more damage.  
Iris tenderly held his face with both her hands and placed a sweet kiss on his forehead. Barry felt his heart beat faster in his chest. He wished she would hold him like this forever.

“I´m really sorry…”, she whispered.  
“Me too”, Barry said and he lifted himself slowly and left her, closing the door behind him.

 

Barry laid down in his bed again. This day seemed endlessly long. He was done crying, there were no more tears in him. They had all been shed. He just watched through the window as the rain come down.   
Heaven seemed to cry with Barry Allen…

Someone knocked on his door. For a second Barry felt hopeful.   
“Iris?”, he asked.  
“It´s Caitlin, Barry”.  
“Oh, come in”, he said. He sat up and greeted Caitlin, surprised to see her. It was late already.  
“What do I owe the honor to?”, Barry asked.  
“Just in case you forgot, I am your doctor and you happen to be sick…and yesssss….I don´t have anything better to do on a saturday night.” Caitlin smiled.  
“Didn´t mean it like that”, Barry apologized.  
He tried to act normal, to look happy. Barry rarely ever shared his problems with others. He was too kind to annoy anyone with his trouble.   
Caitlin examined him and seemed rather pleased with his condition.  
“You seem to be doing so much better, Barry. Just stay home, it´s really cold outside. And keep resting. We want to have you back at STAR Labs only when you feel a hundred percent well”.  
Barry nodded. Caitlin gave him an injection to make sure his fever didn´t go up again. She was surprised when he did not protest.   
“What´s wrong with you Barry? It always takes me about twenty minutes before I make you agree to a needle.”  
She was teasing him, but Caitlin being Caitlin was actually a bit concerned. Barry really looked depressed.  
“Barry? What happened?”  
Caitlin knew him just too well. He could not fool her.  
“I told Iris”, he finally confessed.  
“Oh my God…what did she say?”, she asked carefully. But Caitlin knew this couldn´t possibly have gone well.  
“She´s moving in with Eddie”.  
Caitlin just held Barry´s hand and rubbed circles on it.  
“I´m sorry…”, she said softly.  
“It´s alright. It was bound to happen…”  
Barry tried for a smile, pretending it was not that big of a deal….But it was…

 

The next morning Iris packed her belongings and started the move-out. Eddie came over to help her. Barry helped a little to keep himself busy. It was better to do that than to just watch. Joe helped as well. Iris had such a lot of crap…it looked like they were never get to an end.  
Everything was stuck into boxes and Eddie mad several trips in his car, carrying her things. It was already getting dark when Eddie carried out the last set of boxes. He was packing everything inside his car, iris was still inside, double checking that she wasn´t forgetting anything. Barry walked into her empty room, it suddenly looked so big. He made a round, checking drawers. To his surprise he found a teddy bear in her closet. It was actually the one he had given to her for her thirteenth birthday. She had kept it on her bed ever since, she adored that toy. Though Barry couldn´t recall having seen it there lately. He grabbed it and rushed down to give it to Iris before she left. She was already saying good bye to Joe.  
“Hey Iris wait, you forgot this!”, he said and handed it to her.  
“Oh…thanks Barry”, she said. She hugged him. It was the strangest hug Barry had received from her. It was impossible to tell what her emotions were at that moment. It was almost a blank hug, if you can call it that.  
“Bye Barry”, she said.   
Both joe and Barry watched her closing the front door behind her, they sighed, they looked at each other´s miserable face and eventually sat down together, knowing exactly what the other was feeling.   
They needed a pizza, of course. The remedy for every disease and heartache. They ordered a big one. Thy ate, they watched TV, both silent, none of them wanting to retreat upstairs where Iris room stood vacant.  
It was late when Joe finally got up and sent Barry to bed as well. Before going upstairs, Barry took the empty pizza boxes outside to the trashcan. When he tuned around to get back inside he tripped over something on the porch. He looked down and found Iris´s teddy bear leaning next to the front door. He picked it up and cleaned the dust from it.  
One lonely tear rolled down his cheek, another tear shed for Iris…would there never be enough of them?  
He hugged the stuffed animal and went back inside to the warmth of Joe´s embrace.

Love you all!!! Please review!!!


	10. Chapter 10

Barry resumed work the following monday. He had to get back to routine. It was the only thing that helped to get his mind away from Iris. Besides, there was a lot to be done. The Flash seemed to never get a day off. STAR Labs was always a busy place and so was the police department. Barry felt lucky to have Caitlin and Cisco around to help him keep his mind straight. And then there was Dr. Wells and there was Joe and his dad and he had to keep focused on finding the man in the yellow suite.   
The days were getting colder in Central City. Christmas was just around the corner. It had always been Barry´s favorite time of the year. It had been two weeks since Iris had moved out and Barry had only seen her briefly at the Police Department, when she came over to see Joe. They hadn´t really spoken to each other, it had just been a quick hello and goodbye. Iris seemed busier than ever with her job and her new life with her boyfriend. And Barry thought maybe that was better for them, awkwardness should be avoided. 

“Are we so useless without Iris that we can´t set up the Christmas tree on our own?”, Joe asked Barry one evening when he realized in shock that Christmas was only one week away.  
Before Joe could say anything else Barry had rushed to the basement and up the stairs again with the tree and the decoration boxes.   
“That´s what I´m talking about”, said Joe with a smile.  
“You want me to do it?”, Barry asked. He could have the tree ready in a second.  
“No no no…let´s do this slow. I enjoy this so much…come, hand me the lights.”  
Joe loved Christmas, too. The best times in the West house had been the Christmases. Joe always made turkey, it took the whole day to get it ready, but it was worth it. It was the most delicious thing on earth, that´s what Iris said. Iris and Barry had always had so much fun. They had baked cookies together, they had snowball fights, they had gone ice-skating. Before Joe started to give them pocket money Iris and Barry had always made gifts on their own. Barry had worked in his experiments and then he had come up with some weird but cool present for Iris, at least she called them that. And Iris used to knit gloves or scarfs for Barry and to Joe´s dismay she had also stolen some items from the chemistry lab at her school. Joe had been mad at first, but then iris stated what was obvious.  
“Dad, I can´t make a microscope on my own, you know Barry likes these weird things and I have no money to buy any of those...”  
And then had just laughed. And then the following year he had started to give them a little pocket money.

It was definitely the sweetest of memories for Joe. This year was going to be different, though. Iris would come over together with Eddie. Joe had suggested that Barry invited someone, too. Barry thought about it, but he had not a lot to choose from. Caitlin and Cisco would visit their parents and Dr. Wells would be an inappropriate guest given the circumstances. And Henry Allen could not leave his cell, of course…

Barry was at home, waiting for Joe to arrive. Barry had promised him to spend the evening with him watching movies. Anyway it was not like Barry had anything else to do that night. He heard the front door open.  
“Hey Joe”, he called. But when he turned around he was surprised to see Iris and not Joe coming in.  
“Hey Barry, didn´t know if anyone was at home.”  
She was carrying large bag. Seemed like she had gone shopping.   
“Is my dad around?”, she asked, putting her things down on the table.  
“He should arrive shortly.”, said Barry.   
Iris looked a bit nervous.   
“Soooo, how are you?”, Barry asked to break the ice, an ice that had never before existed between them.  
“Great”, she said “I just stopped by to leave the Christmas presents under the tree. You know, tomorrow is going to be a busy day, so I better do it now…”  
She unpacked the wrapped gifts and set them under the tree, next to the three packages that Joe had already put there.  
“I´ve just made some hot chocolate. Would you like some?”, Barry offered.  
“Sure, thanks Barry.”  
He came back with two steaming cups. They sat down on the couch for a little while.  
“Hey, remember that Christmas when we left that candle on during our snowball fight outside?” Iris lauged “And when we came inside it had burned a spot on the carpet, remember?”  
“Oh, yes, how could I forget? Your dad almost killed us!! Then he had to listen to the whole story about how the carpet had belonged to his grandma bla blab la…”, Barry laughed, too.  
For a moment everything was as it used to be between them.  
“Oh and remember how my dad always got mad because we opened our presents before Christmas?”, Iris laughed a genuine, beautiful laughter. Barry smiled, he nodded.  
“Hey- how about…”, Iris started “How about we do that now?”  
“What? No, Joe would kill us…”, he said.  
“Come on, I don´t say we open all. You can open the one I have for you and I open the one you have for me!! Come on!!”  
Barry had no chance to stop her. She crouched down next to the tree and picked up one of the packages she had just left there. It was a small square box. She handed it to Barry.  
“I hope you like it”, she said.  
Barry took it, hesitating. He put the box aside on the couch.  
“OK, so which one is for me?”, Iris asked with the excitement of a little girl.  
“Iris, I…I don´t have any present for you…”, he admitted. He felt really uncomfortable all the sudden.  
“Oh, come on”, Iris said, but then she saw the expression on Barry´s face and she knew he wasn´t teasing her.  
Her smile faded and she looked confused.  
“I´m sorry, Iris but I really didn´t know if I should get anything for you…”, he said.  
Iris said nothing, she just raised an eyebrow, trying to follow his reasoning.   
Barry stuttered. He was the one confused.  
“Iris you…you left the bear I gave you the day you moved out…” he said very softly. He was hurt, Iris could see it in his eyes.  
“I just…I figured it was a bad idea…I don´t want to make you uncomfortable in front of Eddie…”  
Iris was silent. She looked down to her hands.  
“Alright...”, she said.   
Joe came in just that second.  
“Heeeey….”, he said, noticing the awkwardness between his kids immediately. He wished he had popped in just a moment later. He read the situation quickly. Iris looked confused and Barry looked hurt.  
Iris lifted herself and grabbed her coat.  
“Hey dad, I was just leaving. I dropped off my presents.”  
She kissed Joe´s cheek.  
“Gotta go, I´ll see you tomorrow. Let me know if you need me to bring anything over for the turkey”, she said. She left.  
Joe sighed.  
“What am I going to do with you kids? You are driving me nuts…”

 

Happy sunday everyone!!! Please let me know what you think!!!


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry it took so long!! Thank you for still reading!! 

 

Barry looked at Joe. He was still hurt for the thing with the bear, and now Iris had tried to turn things around and make him feel guilty that he had no present for her. Now she was the one offended?? No way!! He wouldn't accept this from her.   
Joe had nothing to do with this, the poor guy was just at the wrong place in the wrong moment.  
"It's not my fault!!", said Barry, suddenly boiling with anger "I did nothing wrong!!"  
"Wow, relax Barry...", said Joe.  
But Barry felt like Joe was accusing him of hurting Iris. Of course, he thought, of course Joe would always take her side, she was his daughter.  
"Easy son, come here", said Joe, opening his arms for Barry.  
"You're not my dad, Joe!!!", Barry shouted. He turned around and hurried out, leaving Joe clueless.

It was the morning of December 24th. Iris and Eddie were shopping Christmas presents for Eddie's family. They had agreed they would first go to Eddie's folks and spend some time at their place and then they would go over to Joe and Barry.   
They picked up wine and chocolates for Eddie's parents and a perfume for his younger sister. They sat down for coffee at the mall.  
Iris felt kind of nervous. She was going to meet Eddie's family for the first time. Eddie seemed to notice.  
"You're still worried that my parents won't like you, babe?", Eddie asked.  
"Yeah...kind of"  
"Come on...relax", Eddie laughed "they will absolutely adore you!!"  
Iris tried for a smile. She really wanted to fit in because the thing between her and Eddie was going serious.  
"It's different for you, you know my dad...and you are partners...of course he likes you."  
"That's true...although your brother/friend/whatever...Barry doesn't seem to like me a lot  
..huh?"  
Iris shook her head.  
"He does...he's just, you know...he's Barry. He acts weird a lot of the time..."  
Eddie didn't seem to buy that.  
"Oh", he said "that reminds me...I didn't get anything for babyface Barry. What does he like?"  
"He's into weird stuff, you know...", she said plain.  
"Maybe a typical guy-to-guy gift, an electric razor? Though, does he already shave??", Eddie teased. But Iris didn't like his tone. Was he actually being bitchy about Barry? Or was she just being hyper sensitive lately? Again she felt caught in the middle, not wanting to take any side. She was going crazy.   
Meanwhile Barry was entering at Iron Heights to visit his dad. He always visited on Christmas, sometimes the guards allowed him to stay a little longer than usual.   
Henry was so happy to see his son. He smiled and pressed his hand against the glass wall that divided him from Barry. Barry did the same, almost feeling like they could actually touch hands. They spoke through the usual red phone.   
"Hi dad"  
"Hey darling, how is my boy? I heard you were sick. Are you better?"  
"Heard from whom?"  
"Joe. He comes here quiet often..."  
Barry was gladly surprised.  
"I am OK dad", he said "don't worry."  
Henry was more than thankful that it was Joe that had taken care of Barry. He had raised him into a good, loving and sweet young man. Henry had not been able to play his role of father being locked up. It was Joe that had comforted Barry when he lost his parents, he fed him, clothed him, held him when he cried and took care of him when he was sick. He answered questions, lead him through his teenage life...he loved Barry immensely. So it was actually Joe who deserved to be called Barry's dad. And although Barry never called Joe that, Henry would never be offended if he did so.   
"So, how are things with Iris?", Henry asked carefully.  
"She...she is with someone else, dad..."  
Even through the glass wall Henry could feel his son's pain. He saw it sad eyes.  
"I'm sorry to hear that, sweetheart."  
"It's OK...", Barry said. He didn't want to load more worries onto his dad's shoulders. But Henry knew him too well. He wished he could hug him right now.   
"When you were still very small I remember most of the kids your age in our neighborhood were already starting to walk. I was worried that you still didn't. But then your mom said: he will walk when he has somewhere to go to. And when you did, you ran straight into her arms..."  
Barry smiled imagining that scene.  
"I didn't know that...", he said.  
"What I am trying to say here is that you can't push certain things. They must happen when the time is right. If it's meant to be between you and Iris, it will come about...probably when less you expect it. Understand?"  
Barry nodded slowly.  
"I miss you, dad" he Barry and suddenly he felt his eyes wet.  
"I miss you too, my love"  
Henry tried to smile, to look alright. It broke his heart that Barry always ended up crying everytime the guards had to drag him out and he begged them to give him a few more minutes with his father.  
But this time they allowed them a little longer. And somehow both managed to control their tears when they said goodbye.

It was snowing when Barry arrived home. Joe was in the house. He greeted Barry with a plate full with freshly baked cookies. They were still warm. It seemed like Joe was having the time of his life preparing the turkey.  
"Don't you fill yourself up with those cookies, Bear. You need to save enough space for the turkey. I tell you, this us gonna be so good, it's gonna kick the earth out of its orbit!!"  
Barry walked over to Joe and hugged him.  
"Thank you, Joe", he said.  
Joe returned the hug.  
"Oh, it's just a turkey, son..."  
"No, I mean thank you...for everything Joe...for all you have done for me for the past fifteen years. Thank you for being my dad..."  
"I am not, sweetheart. I never tried to be. I just wanted to take care of you..."  
"You went out of your way to take me in and raise me. I know it was not easy to have me...why did you do it?"  
They hadn't let go of their hug.  
"How come such a smart kid asks me such a silly question... I love you, Barry!! And.I would do it all over again. I love you, Barry!!"  
Barry hugged Joe even tighter.  
"I love you, too, Joe".

Iris came home with Eddie later that evening. Despite the awkwardness between the four of them in the last couple of days, they all tried their best to act normal and forget recent incidents. It was Christmas, after all...  
As it was to be expected, Joe's turkey was a huge success. Barry being the Flash, who needed huge amounts of calories could easily have eaten up the entire turkey. Still, he was careful around Iris and Eddie, who didn't and couldn't know.   
"So, how is your family, Eddie?", Joe asked during the dinner.  
"Fine. They were very pleased to finally meet Iris...", Eddie said, glancing at Iris. She smiled.  
"They are happy I am with such a beautiful, smart girl".  
"Sure they must be...she's one in a million", said Joe, proud of his daughter.  
"Turkey is great, dad!", said Iris, changing the subject. She felt uneasy talking about this in front of Barry.  
"Oh yes, Joe, definitely!! I have never eaten anything like it!", Eddie said.  
"I'm glad you kids enjoy", said Joe.   
Barry was very quiet during most part of the dinner. He wanted to be good and not cause any trouble or awkwardness, he owed it to Joe especially.  
After they had all filled their bellies with dessert and coffee they headed to the presents.   
Barry had gone very neutral, picking a simple box of chocolates for Iris and a bottle of whiskey for Eddie. Not that he actually felt like giving him any present, it was just to be polite.   
Joe had gotten Iris a fancy pair of shoes she had asked for, a nice jacket for Barry, although je had asked for some silly physics books, which Joe considered to be a too lame request. And for Eddie he had figured to get a set of elegant ties, since Joe considered Eddie wore ugly, colorful ties.  
Iris had spent the most, she got Joe a watch and for her boyfriend a nice suit. She had been saving! It had not been easy to pick something for Barry, since there had been all that thing with the bear. So she got him the books that Joe had considered too lame for a Christmas present. Eddie, much like Barry had decided to go neutral and had also gotten chocolates for Joe and Barry.  
"Hey, mister...you forgot about me!!!", said Iris, looking at her boyfriend.  
"Never!! I just wanted to do this last, since it is a very special gift".  
Eddie grabbed a little box from hos pocket. He turned to Iris and kneeled in front of her. He opened the box, revealing a beautiful diamond ring.  
"Iris, will you marry me?"  
Everybody froze. There was absolute silence. Iris was shocked, she had not seen this coming.   
"Of course", she said, after a few moments of frightening silence.  
It just came out of her mouth, he had given her no time to think. Joe saw right away the doubt in his daughter's eyes, although she tried her best to hide it with a bright smile. Eddie looked relieved, for a second he had believed she would say no.  
Barry tried to smile, it was such a huge effort. Joe hugged his daughter and his future son in law and congratulated them.   
"I wish you all the happiness in the world", he said.   
Barry knew he had to be polite and control his emotions. He would never do anything to ruin this moment for Iris. He loved her too much.  
He hugged them both, too and pushed himself to swallow the tears.  
"You will have a beautiful life together...", he said, hands in his pickets, failing a bit at hiding his hurt puppy eyes.  
Joe brought out a bottle of champagne and they made a toast. Eddie held Iris very close, he kissed her repeatedly. He was happy.  
Barry felt uneasy.  
"Joe, may I be excused? My stomach hurts...I think I had too much turkey...", he said.  
"Of course, darling. Besides, it's late already. Go lay down...".  
Barry said goodbye to Iris and Eddie, congratulating them again.  
Then he slowly retreated to his bedroom.  
Joe came up about an hour later. He checked on Barry, who was still awake in his bed.  
No questions were needed, Joe knew what Barry was going through, je couldn't blame him for that. He was rather thankful that Barry had taken things well.   
He sat down and rubbed Barry's belly, although he knew it was not aching.  
"I really do wish that Iris is very, very happy Joe", said Barry.  
And Joe was proud of Barry trying to be brave, when he knew he was broken inside.  
"I know, my child. That's why I love you so much..."

 

Love you all!! Please leave your reviews, they are very appreciated!!!  
I promise to update tomorrow!!


	12. Chapter 12

Iris lay awake in her bed. She felt strange, somehow like she was living a dream. Was this really happening? Had Eddie really just proposed to her and had she actually agreed to marry him? It all seemed so bizarre. She could not sleep, she kept thinking about Eddie. He had looked so amazingly happy, the ring was gorgeous. She looked at the shiny diamond on her finger. Wow, he had really spent quite some money to afford that. She was a lucky girl. And still she felt sad. Suddenly she wanted to cry.

"I´m sorry, Barry", she whispered into the dark.

Just a few blocks away, Barry tried to sleep, and also failed. He gave up on Iris. He decided, he would force himself to move on and be happy for Iris. Maybe they were not meant to be together, perhaps the universe had other plans for him. Maybe he would find someone else…

Who though?, he thought. Who could possibly compare to Iris?

"I love you, Iris", he said very quietly, he curled up and eventually fell asleep.

December 25th was a so cold holiday, no one dared to leave their house. Iris got up early and prepared coffee for herself and Eddie.

"Good morning future Mrs. Thawne", greeted Eddie , hugging her waist tenderly.

"West-Thawne", Iris corrected.

"Oh, well, we can discuss that…", Eddie teased. He set the table with Christmassy cookies and pie.

West-Thawne, Iris thought…no…it didn´t sound right. Or maybe just Thawne? Iris Thawne? Why could she not see herself with that name? What was wrong with her?

She sat down at the table, Eddie right next to her, glancing at her, smiling brightly.

She felt guilty for not being so enthusiastic.

"When should we do it? We must set a date!", said Eddie, he was so excited, "It should be soon, January, February?"

Iris hesitated for a while.

"Uuuuhmmmm, yeah, I think maybe February…", she said. Luckily Eddie didn´t notice the doubt in her voice. He just went on and on.

"Have you already thought about your dress? And who your bride´s maid is going to be?"

"Eddie, I…actually you´re going too-"

But he kept going.

"We must definitely look up a nice place! Do you want it to be a huge party or rather an intimate one? Inside or outside?"

Iris was seriously getting pissed now. He was rushing everything. He was miles ahead and she was still only getting used to the ring on her finger.

"Eddie!", she said, cutting him off, "Eddie wait, you are going too fast".

"Oh", he seemed surprised about his own excessive excitement.

"I´m sorry, I just mean, let´s take it slow. There´s no need to hurry. Just let us enjoy the engagement for start.", Iris said.

"You´re right, sorry…I am just-just so excited, I still can´t believe you said yes."

The next day everyone resumed their routine. Iris was working at Picture News, putting together yet another article about The Flash. Her boss was obsessed with him. And so was Iris. And it seemed there was always something to write about him. He had become part of the everyday life in Central City, always appearing in the right place at the right time, saving people. Iris felt so inspired by him. Her colleagues kept teasing her, saying she had a crush on The Flash. First she had to laugh and then she felt absolutely silly, like a little 15 year old girl, when she found herself feeling butterflies in her stomach whenever she thought of The Flash, even more the few times she had seen him with her own eyes. Somehow she felt so much more excited about her article, than about her engagement. I felt wrong…but it was true.

After work Iris decided to visit her dad at the Police Station. She hadn´t been there in a while.

"Hey daddy", she greeted and hugged Joe.

"Wow, hey there Mrs. West-Thawne", said Joe "I assume you won´t dump West to go for a plain Thawne, am I right?"

"Of course not, dad…"

She sat down at Joe´s desk. He was almost done with his shift. Eddie had already gone home.

"What is it babe, you don´t seem too excited", Joe asked, frowning.

"I am, dad. It´s just that I…I don´t know, I feel kind of-"

Joe´s phone rang.

"It´s Singh, I have to take this one. Give me a minute", he said.

Whatever Captain Singh was saying, it seemed bad news, because Joe immediately dropped his coat back onto his chair and grabbed his gun.

"I´m sorry babe, I gotta run. Bank robbery! The guy is armed!"

He gave Iris a quick kiss and hurried out.

"Take care, dad!" she called, but he was already gone.

Iris was on her way out, she was going to head home when her own phone rang. It was Eddie.

"Babe, they just called me. They need some backup, there´s a bank robbery. I´ll see you later, OK?"

Before she could say anything he had hung up. When she turned around she saw a lot of cops rushing out, all heading to the same crime scene. It seemed way too serious and Iris started to feel uneasy. It was one of those few times when she actually feared for her father´s life, and now it was also her boyfriend´s life that was in danger. She had a bad feeling, like something was going to go terribly wrong. She got into a taxi, she couldn´t just go home. Instead she asked the driver to follow the cops.

She tried to call her dad, he didn´t answer, neither did Eddie. Now she was stuck in traffic.

They arrived at the crime scene a little too late. Cops were already taking off. There was just one single patrol outside the bank. Iris hurried over, she recognized Singh. And wait- was that Joe on the floor next to Singh?

She ran towards them, but another cop stopped her.

"Crime scene, you cannot trespass the yellow tape, madam", he said, holding her back.

"My dad is there! I´m detective West´s daughter", she cried, but the cop didn´t let her go.

"He is alright, young lady", he tried to calm her, pointing towards Joe. He had lifted himself, and leaned against the car. He was not hurt.

Singh left Joe´s side, he saw Iris and walked over to her.

"Iris, what are you doing here?", he asked her "Joe is fine, he was lucky. We all were. If it wasn´t for The Flash we would not be here."

He gave Iris permission to cross the tape, since they had already cleared the crime scene. Iris hurried over to Joe, he had not yet seen her. Who was standing there next to him? Was that-? Oh my God, said Iris. She recognized The Flash´s red suit from behind. His mask was down and she could see the back of his head, he had light brown hair. Joe spotted Iris and his eyes went wide . The Flash instinctively turned around and saw her as well. Suddenly he became aware that he wasn´t wearing the mask. Iris stopped abruptly, as if she had hit a wall.

"Barry?" It was almost a whisper. She was stoned.

Everyone was wordless. Barry opened his mouth, but he couldn´t bring himself to say anything.

"You´re The Flash?", she asked, disbelieving her eyes. Barry lowered his view and nodded.

Iris looked at Joe. Since there was no sign of surprise on his face she concluded what was obvious.

"You knew, dad?"

She looked hurt, upset. Joe nodded as well.

"Iris, honey, we couldn´t tell you, we were both just trying to keep you safe. Baby, please, you must understand…", Joe tried to explain.

Iris just shook her head.

"Oh my God, dad! I´m not a child! I can take care of myself! Somehow you always bring up this lame excuse for everything you do!"

Then she looked at Barry.

"Barry, I thought I knew you, after all we´ve been through together. We were supposed to be best friends…you never let me know!"

"Look Iris, I-I…", he stuttered.

"You what, Barry? You thought it was no big deal? It is a life changing thing! And the times I spoke to The Flash, the times I met him on the roof top at Jitter´s? You had so many chances to tell me and you didn´t!", she was really angry by then.

"Dammit Barry, you knew I was writing a damn blog about The Flash and you acted like you had no clue about anything? Made me even feel like crap for doing it, for believing in him? How could you?"

"Iris I´m so sorry. Please, you have to believe me. I didn´t want to hide this from you", Barry´s eyes pleaded.

"I was just scared that something might happen to you, I didn´t know how to handle it. I was wrong…I´m sorry".

"Well those words are starting to sound way to often from your mouth. Sorry is not gonna make things like they used to be. And for that I am the one who´s sorry!"

Iris turned around, ignored Joe´s words, begging her to wait. She grabbed the first taxi that showed up and disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Want me to continue?? Please post your reviews and I will love nothing more than to continue the story.


End file.
